and then it was march

so, i meant to take a little break from blogging during the weeks around christmas while i was home in albuquerque, and then somehow that turned into a little three and a half month break. oops.

since early december i spent a really lovely two and a half weeks in albuquerque, experienced the utter firework-ridden insanity that is new year's in berlin, celebrated my 26th birthday with a fabulous golden party, had a brief relationship with a very slender scotsman named stuart, and finished my remaining coursework for my program. that last bit is probably the most surreal, since i've kind of felt like i'm on this strange vacation since classes ended in mid-february, when really they're never going to start again. the german academic calendar is such that classes end and then you have six weeks to do research and write term papers before the next semester starts. however, since i'm not taking any classes next semester but will just be writing my thesis, the beginning of next semester doesn't actually affect me. once i turn in all of my term papers and receive grades for them i have to pick up this piece of paper with all of my professors' signatures and hand that in at this particular office along with my thesis proposal and advisers' signatures. once that's all approved i'll be mailed a date 5 months down the line, which will serve as my only deadline for my thesis. totally strange and kind of unnerving, but this basically means that i'll be setting my own academic schedule from here on out. gotta get crackin'.

another exciting thing that's happened since december is the start of a five month weekly sewing class. i'm taking it at what's called the volkshochschule, or people's high school, where they offer government run, cheap classes on anything and everything you can think of. my class is in a neighborhood southeast of mine, deep in neo-nazi territory, and 90% of the folks in the class are older women with thick east berlin accents, who don't really know what to do with me, this strange young foreigner. it's pretty fabulous though, and i'm so stoked to go each time and make slow but exciting progress on the 50s housewife style summer dress i'm making for myself. it's also kind of a sociological experiment and a good way to practice german and remind myself that i'm not just living in this little international bubble full of 20-something hipsters.

speaking of which, i am more in love with this city every day, particularly my little bubble, which is admittedly filled largely with international 20-something hipsters. i walk around my neighborhood just staring at the shops, the colors of paint, the fonts used on buildings, the graffiti, the public art, the people walking down the street, the dogs, and i feel like my heart beats faster with happiness and excitement just realizing what an amazing and beautiful place this is. i go sit in a cafe or go to a market or an art opening or a show or a dance club and i find myself smiling uncontrollably, feeling like this is it, i'm living my dream. maybe it wasn't ever a concrete dream, and maybe it's not perfect, and still some days i just want to go back to america and get away from it all, but mostly this place and the intense beauty and opportunity it provides just make me feel like each day is exciting and engaging and somehow amazing. sometimes i get so anxious with the desire to do do do and create and design that i feel like i can barely think straight. and then i have to remember that while i maybe want to just buy a sewing machine and make aesthetically pleasing things all day and wear colorful socks with loafers that make me just want to jump with joy at the very sight of the perfect combination i've just created, i'm still in school. and i still have papers to write and a thesis to start. so i'll do those things. and be engaged with them, and interested in them, and hopefully round out this stage of my academic career with flying colors. but i'm realizing more and more each day that what moves me, what makes me feel giddy and dizzy with joy is not academia, but color and design and creation, and i fear i'm losing the inner struggle against this love. so, come next fall, when i hand in my thesis, my next life stage may involve fabric and photos and paint rather than an office and a computer and 9 - 5.

or maybe not. this is just what's getting my heart beating right now, and it's pretty damn exciting. dear berlin, for now, you're the best.